Entry 1
Dear Diary,
It happened like I predicted.
We broke up.
He thinks it's ruining he's 'reputation' and that I deserved someone who would give me time.
No wonder he never wanted to go on dates.
It's bad enough the jock was dating a nerd but being seen in public.
No way.
He was so nice in private but he treated me like trash in public.
Just goes to show what he cares for more...
I have to go to sleep, so for now bye diary.
P.S. 364 more days!
It happened like I predicted.
We broke up.
He thinks it's ruining he's 'reputation' and that I deserved someone who would give me time.
No wonder he never wanted to go on dates.
It's bad enough the jock was dating a nerd but being seen in public.
No way.
He was so nice in private but he treated me like trash in public.
Just goes to show what he cares for more...
I have to go to sleep, so for now bye diary.
P.S. 364 more days!
entry 2
Dear Diary,
I saw them today.
Walking around school.
Everyone was crowding around them.
He showed her off not even giving a crap who saw them.
Because now he finally had someone who wouldn't ruin his reputation.
She's still my best friend.
I won't let a guy get in between our friendship, we've been together since 4th grade.
I told her it was fine.
I was over it.
I thought I was...
She's coming over to hang out I have to go bye diary.
P.S. 350 more days!
I saw them today.
Walking around school.
Everyone was crowding around them.
He showed her off not even giving a crap who saw them.
Because now he finally had someone who wouldn't ruin his reputation.
She's still my best friend.
I won't let a guy get in between our friendship, we've been together since 4th grade.
I told her it was fine.
I was over it.
I thought I was...
She's coming over to hang out I have to go bye diary.
P.S. 350 more days!
Entry 3
Dear Diary,
It's hard to keep up the façade.
Everyone knows me as the cool unemotional nerd.
Everyone thinks I barely cared about our relationship.
Everyone knows nothing.
It's been well over a month now.
I still see them making out in the hallways.
Showing off.
I just walk by and pretend like I don't care.
He's been coming up to me more often.
Trying to cheer me up.
Ever since they started going out she barely even spent time with me anymore.
It was just me and him.
I feel like he's the only one who still cares.
It's hard to seem heartless.
So how did he manage it, when he broke up with me?
I feel like all I had left in this world was him, but it's too late to go back to how we use to be.
He asks me 'Are you okay?' All the time.
And every time I say I'm just tired.
I wish he would hug me and tell me he knows I'm not like he use to before I fell into where I was now.
But now their happy together, and he's moved on.
Im going now he's coming I can sense it.
P.S. 325 more days!
If this chapter was confusing just to make sure he is not the same as the person who broke up with her. She's talking about her best friend who she use to date but broke up with to be with the guy who broke up with her.
It's hard to keep up the façade.
Everyone knows me as the cool unemotional nerd.
Everyone thinks I barely cared about our relationship.
Everyone knows nothing.
It's been well over a month now.
I still see them making out in the hallways.
Showing off.
I just walk by and pretend like I don't care.
He's been coming up to me more often.
Trying to cheer me up.
Ever since they started going out she barely even spent time with me anymore.
It was just me and him.
I feel like he's the only one who still cares.
It's hard to seem heartless.
So how did he manage it, when he broke up with me?
I feel like all I had left in this world was him, but it's too late to go back to how we use to be.
He asks me 'Are you okay?' All the time.
And every time I say I'm just tired.
I wish he would hug me and tell me he knows I'm not like he use to before I fell into where I was now.
But now their happy together, and he's moved on.
Im going now he's coming I can sense it.
P.S. 325 more days!
If this chapter was confusing just to make sure he is not the same as the person who broke up with her. She's talking about her best friend who she use to date but broke up with to be with the guy who broke up with her.
entry 4
Dear Diary,
This diary is actually speeding up time.
2 months have passed 10 more to go.
He keeps checking up on me.
He says he can't get me out yet but he's trying.
He stays and chats for a little while about how schools going and what's going on.
He has a new girl he's getting pretty serious with.
I felt my heart shatter when he told me.
But I can't protest anymore.
I let him go.
Because of my selfish desires.
And I can feel how happy he is now.
He's barely noticed the change.
I hope he doesn't.
I've convinced him their wrong.
But I know their right.
I'm suppose to be here, I try and act normal around him.
But it hasn't been the same since the break up.
I can feel myself slipping away.
The footsteps are coming again.
I have to go bye diary.
P.S. 300 more days!
This diary is actually speeding up time.
2 months have passed 10 more to go.
He keeps checking up on me.
He says he can't get me out yet but he's trying.
He stays and chats for a little while about how schools going and what's going on.
He has a new girl he's getting pretty serious with.
I felt my heart shatter when he told me.
But I can't protest anymore.
I let him go.
Because of my selfish desires.
And I can feel how happy he is now.
He's barely noticed the change.
I hope he doesn't.
I've convinced him their wrong.
But I know their right.
I'm suppose to be here, I try and act normal around him.
But it hasn't been the same since the break up.
I can feel myself slipping away.
The footsteps are coming again.
I have to go bye diary.
P.S. 300 more days!
entry 5
Dear Diary,
The visits have been less frequent.
He says he's busy and he always apologizes.
I guess I'm fine with it.
It's just stressful thinking of where he's spending that time.
With that new girl.
Studying.
Playing.
I don't even know anymore.
Im now being monitored 24/7 I can only write here when their in the restroom.
I tried to do it again...
Kill myself, I mean.
It was just overbearing.
He didn't notice though.
He never does anymore.
I feel like our bond was fading.
Not just feel it I knew our bond was fading.
I've been holding on.
But how long can you hold on to a string that was snapping until fear scares you off?
I've pondered on this question for so long.
Sleepless nights.
2 weeks have passed.
Times seems to be going slower ever since he stopped visiting.
I heard the flush.
Bye diary.
P.S. 280 days to go.
The visits have been less frequent.
He says he's busy and he always apologizes.
I guess I'm fine with it.
It's just stressful thinking of where he's spending that time.
With that new girl.
Studying.
Playing.
I don't even know anymore.
Im now being monitored 24/7 I can only write here when their in the restroom.
I tried to do it again...
Kill myself, I mean.
It was just overbearing.
He didn't notice though.
He never does anymore.
I feel like our bond was fading.
Not just feel it I knew our bond was fading.
I've been holding on.
But how long can you hold on to a string that was snapping until fear scares you off?
I've pondered on this question for so long.
Sleepless nights.
2 weeks have passed.
Times seems to be going slower ever since he stopped visiting.
I heard the flush.
Bye diary.
P.S. 280 days to go.
Entry 6
Dear Diary,
They visited me.
I hadn't talked to either since I was checked in.
They brought flowers and said mirrored words like nothing ever happened.
I simply replied with one worded answers.
They continued to tell me about school not even noticing the aura flowing out of my body.
I rolled my eyes when they started their couple talk.
They told me about him and his new girl friend.
Apparently he told them to tell me he sent his regards.
I just smiled.
A fake smile.
That he might've noticed in the past.
But now he probably would've believed it like everyone else.
I remember when he came every day saying he would never get bored of visiting me.
But now I'm probably not on top of his list anymore.
She is.
The lucky girl who managed to fish him out of the sea.
While I was left stuck on a trap meant for a bigger fish.
While I was stuck on the bottom you rose up.
While I struggled to break free you breathed fresh air.
They left when visiting hours were over.
They still acted like a perfect couple but I could sense things were different.
No holding hands.
No kissing.
No hugs.
I would ask him about it.
But I can't exactly ask his regards now could I?
I guess I'll just wait for him.
Until then.
Bye diary.
P.S. 240 more days.
They visited me.
I hadn't talked to either since I was checked in.
They brought flowers and said mirrored words like nothing ever happened.
I simply replied with one worded answers.
They continued to tell me about school not even noticing the aura flowing out of my body.
I rolled my eyes when they started their couple talk.
They told me about him and his new girl friend.
Apparently he told them to tell me he sent his regards.
I just smiled.
A fake smile.
That he might've noticed in the past.
But now he probably would've believed it like everyone else.
I remember when he came every day saying he would never get bored of visiting me.
But now I'm probably not on top of his list anymore.
She is.
The lucky girl who managed to fish him out of the sea.
While I was left stuck on a trap meant for a bigger fish.
While I was stuck on the bottom you rose up.
While I struggled to break free you breathed fresh air.
They left when visiting hours were over.
They still acted like a perfect couple but I could sense things were different.
No holding hands.
No kissing.
No hugs.
I would ask him about it.
But I can't exactly ask his regards now could I?
I guess I'll just wait for him.
Until then.
Bye diary.
P.S. 240 more days.
entry 7
Dear Diary,
I've lost track of the weeks and months.
I know I'm getting closer.
The drugs have started taking affect so I doze off whenever it gets to be too much.
They told me he visited while I was asleep.
He left me a little note.
Just the simple greeting asking how I've been.
It's hard to see the carefully weaved web of our friendship slowly tear apart.
Because,
Of,
One,
Stupid,
Girl.
Ive heard news their engaged.
I don't know how.
I guess their parents arranged it to merge their companies.
Overall they had no complaints.
I guess I'm the only one still wallowing over the past.
I've seen some pictures.
She's beautiful and I know they deserve each other.
He shouldn't be tied down to a nerd like me.
When I heard the news I could feel all of my sanity bump down a notch.
The doctors had no idea.
They told me I was such a good patient.
That I would be released soon.
I wish someone could see my cries for help in the sound proof room I call a body.
Their coming back.
Bye diary.
P.S. 215 more days.
I've lost track of the weeks and months.
I know I'm getting closer.
The drugs have started taking affect so I doze off whenever it gets to be too much.
They told me he visited while I was asleep.
He left me a little note.
Just the simple greeting asking how I've been.
It's hard to see the carefully weaved web of our friendship slowly tear apart.
Because,
Of,
One,
Stupid,
Girl.
Ive heard news their engaged.
I don't know how.
I guess their parents arranged it to merge their companies.
Overall they had no complaints.
I guess I'm the only one still wallowing over the past.
I've seen some pictures.
She's beautiful and I know they deserve each other.
He shouldn't be tied down to a nerd like me.
When I heard the news I could feel all of my sanity bump down a notch.
The doctors had no idea.
They told me I was such a good patient.
That I would be released soon.
I wish someone could see my cries for help in the sound proof room I call a body.
Their coming back.
Bye diary.
P.S. 215 more days.
Entry 8
Dear Diary,
It was harder than I thought.
They let me go to the wedding since they personally asked for me to be one of the brides maid.
It was earlier than I thought.
I guess time really does fly.
He never visited me, after that one note.
I felt alone.
At the reception we had a decent conversation nothing too deep.
It wasn't anything compared to our old conversations.
After talking to some old friends I couldn't have been more sure.
My plan was my only option.
I had no one anymore.
There was no red string of faith.
Nothing was connecting me to this world anymore.
I was merely a soul roaming endlessly until faith pulls me out.
I have to go.
Their coming to take me back to that place.
Bye diary.
P.S. 192 more days.
It was harder than I thought.
They let me go to the wedding since they personally asked for me to be one of the brides maid.
It was earlier than I thought.
I guess time really does fly.
He never visited me, after that one note.
I felt alone.
At the reception we had a decent conversation nothing too deep.
It wasn't anything compared to our old conversations.
After talking to some old friends I couldn't have been more sure.
My plan was my only option.
I had no one anymore.
There was no red string of faith.
Nothing was connecting me to this world anymore.
I was merely a soul roaming endlessly until faith pulls me out.
I have to go.
Their coming to take me back to that place.
Bye diary.
P.S. 192 more days.
Entry 9
Dear Diary,
It seemed like the break up was just yesterday.
I was still coping with it as if it was a normal break up.
And it seems like just hours ago I collapsed in class.
Screaming bloody murder.
And it was like minutes ago,
I came up with the plan.
The plan that would commence in 365 days.
That is now only 174 days.
Times coming and going quicker than I thought imaginable.
I can barely even keep up with this diary.
No ones visited me in weeks.
Nurses still monitor me but they've been more lenient convinced I wouldn't be doing anything, anytime soon.
Well they were right about one thing.
It wasn't any time soon.
Its sooner than they expect.
The second I can confirm my theories.
My theories on happiness.
My theories on loneliness.
And my theories on sadness.
Their all the same.
Yet they contradict,
I can't find any of them.
Living anywhere inside me.
I don't have a sense of happiness, nor loneliness, or even sadness.
I feel numb.
Number than when they said their 'I do's' number than when I realized I was alone.
Yet I didn't feel lonely.
Because maybe... Maybe I was alone the entire time and it was only a figment of hope that I was still living in the brain of another.
I hear their footsteps approaching me again.
Bye diary.
P.S. 174 more days!
It seemed like the break up was just yesterday.
I was still coping with it as if it was a normal break up.
And it seems like just hours ago I collapsed in class.
Screaming bloody murder.
And it was like minutes ago,
I came up with the plan.
The plan that would commence in 365 days.
That is now only 174 days.
Times coming and going quicker than I thought imaginable.
I can barely even keep up with this diary.
No ones visited me in weeks.
Nurses still monitor me but they've been more lenient convinced I wouldn't be doing anything, anytime soon.
Well they were right about one thing.
It wasn't any time soon.
Its sooner than they expect.
The second I can confirm my theories.
My theories on happiness.
My theories on loneliness.
And my theories on sadness.
Their all the same.
Yet they contradict,
I can't find any of them.
Living anywhere inside me.
I don't have a sense of happiness, nor loneliness, or even sadness.
I feel numb.
Number than when they said their 'I do's' number than when I realized I was alone.
Yet I didn't feel lonely.
Because maybe... Maybe I was alone the entire time and it was only a figment of hope that I was still living in the brain of another.
I hear their footsteps approaching me again.
Bye diary.
P.S. 174 more days!
entry 10
Dear Diary,
The nurses found me.
Crying alone on my bed huddled into a corner.
They asked me what was wrong yet I didn't answer.
They kept asking and I don't think they understood...
Even I didn't know why.
I just woke up feeling a bundle of emotions come tumbling down.
I didn't know what it was a new found happiness? Sadness? That's the thing with crying.
It's so bipolar.
You could be crying with happiness, or crying with sadness.
For me it was hardest to tell what the difference was.
The second you cry with happiness your releasing the overwhelming emotion of joy.
The moment you cry with sadness your releasing an overwhelming emotion of angst.
Maybe it's just because I've lost the feeling over all.
The feeling of anything and everything.
But I think the doctors think I still have hope.
They tell me constantly that I'm on my way to recovery.
And they think that me crying shows emotion.
They just don't understand.
I can't even understand if I'm happy or sad.
Because I've lost that feeling for so long, I can't remember it anymore.
Their coming back to check on me after my sudden outburst.
Bye diary.
P.S. 156 more days.
The nurses found me.
Crying alone on my bed huddled into a corner.
They asked me what was wrong yet I didn't answer.
They kept asking and I don't think they understood...
Even I didn't know why.
I just woke up feeling a bundle of emotions come tumbling down.
I didn't know what it was a new found happiness? Sadness? That's the thing with crying.
It's so bipolar.
You could be crying with happiness, or crying with sadness.
For me it was hardest to tell what the difference was.
The second you cry with happiness your releasing the overwhelming emotion of joy.
The moment you cry with sadness your releasing an overwhelming emotion of angst.
Maybe it's just because I've lost the feeling over all.
The feeling of anything and everything.
But I think the doctors think I still have hope.
They tell me constantly that I'm on my way to recovery.
And they think that me crying shows emotion.
They just don't understand.
I can't even understand if I'm happy or sad.
Because I've lost that feeling for so long, I can't remember it anymore.
Their coming back to check on me after my sudden outburst.
Bye diary.
P.S. 156 more days.
entry 11
Dear Diary,
I got a letter today.
My first letter in what seems to be 2 months or so.
I wondered who it was from, since my parents gave up on me long ago.
My relatives couldn't give a second thought about me.
When I opened it I didn't even know.
I was so use to feeling nothing, I just didn't understand what I was feeling.
It was like a mixed of emotions flooding in.
And the in an instant...
It was gone.
I looked at the picture of him.
With a mini him.
They had a kid.
Apparently she was pregnant way before they got married, she just had a good way of hiding it.
And he wanted me as the godmother.
I felt happy he still remembered me.
Sad because he had a child with another.
And lonely he wasn't here with me now.
But all in all I felt nostalgic.
I remembered why I was fine with no emotions.
Because emotions come with confusion.
I'm sick of not understanding.
I'm sick of feeling.
It's like a never ending cycle.
You feel happy, you feel sad, then at the end of your life you feel alone.
Because everything has an end.
Some are rushed.
Some take time.
And some.
Like mine.
Are a mystery.
Because everyone forgot about them.
No one knows how they died.
And in the end.
Who actually cares?
It was just another life loss.
In the depths of the world.
Another soul roaming.
And once again who really cares?
Emotions come with pain.
They make up some happy parts like, joy, happiness, excitement.
But their covered with everything else.
Madness, sadness, anxiousness, pain, hate.
And in the middle of the two come love.
Which no one will ever understand.
Because in the middle of the two emotions those who find true love,
Are doomed in the end.
Because it hurts even more to be separated from this world, when you have people who actually care.
But for me.
Theirs no one.
These nurses I've grown close to may mourn.
But everyone gets over death except true love.
And that's why love is such a mystery.
It may cause the most happiness.
But the overwhelming sadness is everlasting.
The doctors are back from break.
Bye diary.
P.S. 103 more days.
I got a letter today.
My first letter in what seems to be 2 months or so.
I wondered who it was from, since my parents gave up on me long ago.
My relatives couldn't give a second thought about me.
When I opened it I didn't even know.
I was so use to feeling nothing, I just didn't understand what I was feeling.
It was like a mixed of emotions flooding in.
And the in an instant...
It was gone.
I looked at the picture of him.
With a mini him.
They had a kid.
Apparently she was pregnant way before they got married, she just had a good way of hiding it.
And he wanted me as the godmother.
I felt happy he still remembered me.
Sad because he had a child with another.
And lonely he wasn't here with me now.
But all in all I felt nostalgic.
I remembered why I was fine with no emotions.
Because emotions come with confusion.
I'm sick of not understanding.
I'm sick of feeling.
It's like a never ending cycle.
You feel happy, you feel sad, then at the end of your life you feel alone.
Because everything has an end.
Some are rushed.
Some take time.
And some.
Like mine.
Are a mystery.
Because everyone forgot about them.
No one knows how they died.
And in the end.
Who actually cares?
It was just another life loss.
In the depths of the world.
Another soul roaming.
And once again who really cares?
Emotions come with pain.
They make up some happy parts like, joy, happiness, excitement.
But their covered with everything else.
Madness, sadness, anxiousness, pain, hate.
And in the middle of the two come love.
Which no one will ever understand.
Because in the middle of the two emotions those who find true love,
Are doomed in the end.
Because it hurts even more to be separated from this world, when you have people who actually care.
But for me.
Theirs no one.
These nurses I've grown close to may mourn.
But everyone gets over death except true love.
And that's why love is such a mystery.
It may cause the most happiness.
But the overwhelming sadness is everlasting.
The doctors are back from break.
Bye diary.
P.S. 103 more days.
entry 12
Dear Diary,
I told the doctors about how I felt something again.
They congratulated me and asked me how I felt.
But I could only reply with a broken smile.
"I don't remember." I told them and their eyes instantly widened in shock.
After all they were the first words I've said since I was enrolled here.
They cheered like there was no tomorrow.
But I don't think they understood once again.
"I don't remember." I repeated trying to get their attention but they strolled out of the room after saying a congratulations to me.
I was lost yet again, I knew the time was getting close my plan was forming well.
They believed I was getting better and as proof no one was guarding me today.
I could've taken the chance and hatched my plan right there and then.
But I didn't.
Why didn't I?
I found myself asking that question as well.
It seemed like I had something to cling onto but I couldn't trace it down.
I had a spark of emotion then it was dead and gone.
I felt for a second like maybe, I had a chance but then I took a glance at my desk.
Where the picture of him laid.
And I just remembered.
Life isn't a fairy tale,
Not everyone deserves a happy ending.
Besides...
A happy ending; is a story that hasn't ended yet.
I have to go to sleep it's light out.
Bye diary.
P.S. 82 days left.
I told the doctors about how I felt something again.
They congratulated me and asked me how I felt.
But I could only reply with a broken smile.
"I don't remember." I told them and their eyes instantly widened in shock.
After all they were the first words I've said since I was enrolled here.
They cheered like there was no tomorrow.
But I don't think they understood once again.
"I don't remember." I repeated trying to get their attention but they strolled out of the room after saying a congratulations to me.
I was lost yet again, I knew the time was getting close my plan was forming well.
They believed I was getting better and as proof no one was guarding me today.
I could've taken the chance and hatched my plan right there and then.
But I didn't.
Why didn't I?
I found myself asking that question as well.
It seemed like I had something to cling onto but I couldn't trace it down.
I had a spark of emotion then it was dead and gone.
I felt for a second like maybe, I had a chance but then I took a glance at my desk.
Where the picture of him laid.
And I just remembered.
Life isn't a fairy tale,
Not everyone deserves a happy ending.
Besides...
A happy ending; is a story that hasn't ended yet.
I have to go to sleep it's light out.
Bye diary.
P.S. 82 days left.
entry 13
Dear Diary,
The day is coming fast.
I know this is one of my last entires.
I can't believe how fast time is coming.
They haven't visited me once.
Not a single one.
And I haven't talked since that day.
I know I'm not in any place to...
But I feel scared.
The thought of my plan actually succeeding made me scared to no end.
I feel like everyone around me wouldn't even remember my name after a week.
And it scared me.
I didn't wanna be erased from history.
I wanted someone to remember me as someone they loved someone important.
I guess that's what's great about love.
You had the sense of security that when you die, someone will remember you and look through all your flaws.
Only remembering the good things.
And I know.
A sense of security is something I will never feel in this lifetime.
I can feel a panic attack coming on.
So I have to go.
Bye diary.
P.S. 50 days left.
The day is coming fast.
I know this is one of my last entires.
I can't believe how fast time is coming.
They haven't visited me once.
Not a single one.
And I haven't talked since that day.
I know I'm not in any place to...
But I feel scared.
The thought of my plan actually succeeding made me scared to no end.
I feel like everyone around me wouldn't even remember my name after a week.
And it scared me.
I didn't wanna be erased from history.
I wanted someone to remember me as someone they loved someone important.
I guess that's what's great about love.
You had the sense of security that when you die, someone will remember you and look through all your flaws.
Only remembering the good things.
And I know.
A sense of security is something I will never feel in this lifetime.
I can feel a panic attack coming on.
So I have to go.
Bye diary.
P.S. 50 days left.
entry 14
Dear Diary,
Nurses have been passing by acknowledging me, or congratulating me about how I'm going to be released soon.
I always replied with a nod to which they smiled back which made me wonder.
What is there to smile for.
Why are they happy?
They see mentally ill kids every day.
Every night.
Yet they smile.
They smile a mocking smile which the don't understand.
They don't see how much pain it costs us to look at someone who can smile so naturally.
While we're coped up unable to make coherent thoughts.
Why do the smile when the world is so dark?
How can some people see the simplest things and feel genuine joy?
It's impossible.
Well for me.
I don't even remember a time I knew what genuine joy felt like, much less experienced it.
My nerves are boiling down I know I have to make a decision.
I have to go.
Bye diary.
P.S. 5 more days.
Nurses have been passing by acknowledging me, or congratulating me about how I'm going to be released soon.
I always replied with a nod to which they smiled back which made me wonder.
What is there to smile for.
Why are they happy?
They see mentally ill kids every day.
Every night.
Yet they smile.
They smile a mocking smile which the don't understand.
They don't see how much pain it costs us to look at someone who can smile so naturally.
While we're coped up unable to make coherent thoughts.
Why do the smile when the world is so dark?
How can some people see the simplest things and feel genuine joy?
It's impossible.
Well for me.
I don't even remember a time I knew what genuine joy felt like, much less experienced it.
My nerves are boiling down I know I have to make a decision.
I have to go.
Bye diary.
P.S. 5 more days.
entry 15
Dear Diary,
Today's the day.
I'm ready to do it.
They released me from the mental rehabilitation center and let me go back home.
The nurses and doctors bid me a farewell with a happy smile, and I did the most realistic smile back.
I bet they felt accomplished.
'Saving' another life.
They even said see you in your next check up a week from now.
If only they knew I wouldn't still be roaming this world a week from now.
No...
Not even close.
I'm currently inside the school.
The school where I met everyone.
My freshman homeroom class.
Where I befriended all of them.
I still remember when we first met.
Currently I'm just finishing loading the rifle.
I'm placing it on my chest right above my heart right now, I have no use for it anymore.
I can't feel anything anymore.
Life just isn't the same.
Happiness...
Loneliness...
Sadness...
It all feels the same.
I'm leaving it here.
Goodbye.
I'm pulling the trigger.
I've pulled the trigger.
I don't think I aimed quite right because I'm still living.
Theirs an excruciating pain in my chest.
And bloods dripping on the paper.
This is much more painful than I thought.
I guess these last moments can be goodbyes.
Bye Natasha.
Bye Angelee.
Bye Andrew.
Bye Logan.
And most importantly bye mys-
Today's the day.
I'm ready to do it.
They released me from the mental rehabilitation center and let me go back home.
The nurses and doctors bid me a farewell with a happy smile, and I did the most realistic smile back.
I bet they felt accomplished.
'Saving' another life.
They even said see you in your next check up a week from now.
If only they knew I wouldn't still be roaming this world a week from now.
No...
Not even close.
I'm currently inside the school.
The school where I met everyone.
My freshman homeroom class.
Where I befriended all of them.
I still remember when we first met.
Currently I'm just finishing loading the rifle.
I'm placing it on my chest right above my heart right now, I have no use for it anymore.
I can't feel anything anymore.
Life just isn't the same.
Happiness...
Loneliness...
Sadness...
It all feels the same.
I'm leaving it here.
Goodbye.
I'm pulling the trigger.
I've pulled the trigger.
I don't think I aimed quite right because I'm still living.
Theirs an excruciating pain in my chest.
And bloods dripping on the paper.
This is much more painful than I thought.
I guess these last moments can be goodbyes.
Bye Natasha.
Bye Angelee.
Bye Andrew.
Bye Logan.
And most importantly bye mys-